By Dr. Victoria Sanders, LMFT
Specialist in Relational Trauma, Foster Care & Adoption

Traumatic experiences often involve a threat to life or safety, but any event that leaves you feeling powerless, overwhelmed, and disconnected from safety can leave lasting marks on the heart and mind. Whether you’re personally navigating estrangement, loss, or toxicity, or you’re an organizer looking for an expert voice on trauma recovery, I hope this guide offers clarity, compassion, and hope.

How Widespread Trauma Really Is

• Trauma is more common than most people realize.
  About 69% of the U.S. population and approximately half of all women in the U.S. will experience at least one traumatic event in their lives.
  

• PTSD touches millions.
  In 2025, roughly 6 in every 100 U.S. adults, nearly 9 million people, are estimated to experience PTSD at some point.
  

• Words can wound as deeply as actions.
  A 2025 study found that childhood verbal abuse increases the risk of poor adult mental health by 64%.

1. Recognize What Needs Healing

Whether it’s estrangement, grief, or emotional abuse, naming the wound is the first step. Therapy helps give language to what feels chaotic. Trauma isn’t just shocks or crises; it can be subtle, long-running patterns that erode trust and emotional safety. 

Try this:

• Notice where you feel stuck, triggered, or drained.
  
  
• Ask yourself: What boundary do I need now, and am I honoring it?

It’s also okay to acknowledge that things hurt you without shaming someone else or implying you must create boundaries that keep people out of your life. What might hurt one person might not hurt another, and vice versa. What matters most is recognizing how something has impacted you, not how it might affect others.

2. Healing Doesn’t Mean “Fixing” the Other

Closure doesn’t require reconciliation. Healing comes from reclaiming your emotional power, setting boundaries, and choosing peace over resentment. You can forgive without excusing harm and let go without reconnecting.

What this can look like in practice:

• Set clear boundaries
  
  
• Write unsent letters to express feelings
  
  
• Focus on your growth and support networks

True closure is about freeing yourself, not changing anyone else. It’s a gift to yourself, not a concession to anyone else. Maintaining resentment or hatred is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies; holding on to these feelings harms you far more than it ever impacts the other person.

3. The Real Roots of Closure: Grief, Insight, & Compassion

True healing often means grieving what you wished could have been, and replacing it with self-compassion. Therapy may stir discomfort, but that’s where genuine insight lives. Sometimes, healing burns before it soothes, a sign you’re doing the real work.

4. For Event Planners & Professionals

If you’re organizing a talk, training, or conference on trauma recovery:

Consider a session titled: “When Closure Looks Like Letting Go: Healing Beyond the Relationship.”

Why it works:

• Addresses universal experiences, estrangement, grief, and emotional neglect.
  
  
• Appeals to audiences from therapists to foster/adoptive families, educators, and community leaders.
  

Ties into both personal healing and professional insight.

5. If You’re Feeling Overwhelmed Right Now

• Honor your discomfort, it can be the teller of truth.
  
  
• Lean into trusted support, whether that’s therapy, a group, or a guided workbook.
  
  
• Seek connection, even in dissociation; you’re not meant to heal alone.

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Healing from past or traumatic relationships doesn’t always feel easy or linear. It isn’t about making them “healthy” again. It’s about reclaiming yourself: your boundaries, your hope, your grounded sense of belonging.

Looking for a powerful, insightful keynote speaker for your next event?

Dr. Victoria Sanders, LMFT, PhD, is a nationally recognized therapist, speaker, and Founder of VMS Family Counseling Services. With 15+ years of experience specializing in relational trauma, foster care, and adoption, Dr. Vicki brings a rare combination of clinical expertise, lived experience, and evidence-based practices — including TF-CBT, EMDR, TBRI, and CPT for PTSD — to every keynote, training, and conversation.

Her trauma-informed, research-driven, and deeply human approach has led to features on The Behavioral Health News, ABC30, The Business Journal, a 40 Under 40 honor, and speaking engagements at leading conferences such as UVU’s Mental Health Conference and the National Adoption Conference.

Whether addressing professionals, educators, or clinicians, Dr. Vicki delivers engaging, perspective-shifting presentations that challenge audiences to rethink what healing really looks like, beyond the “polished” version.

She is available for in-person and virtual keynotes, workshops, and panels at conferences, professional development trainings, universities, and mental health events.

👉 Click here to connect with Dr. Vicki Sanders and start planning your event.

If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse or neglect, help is available.

Call the statewide Adult Protective Services (APS) hotline at (833) 401‑0832. Just enter your 5-digit ZIP code to be connected with your local county APS office, available 24/7, every day of the week.

If you suspect child abuse or neglect, contact your local Child Protective Services (CPS) agency immediately. You can find your county’s CPS contact information or call the 24-hour Child Abuse Hotline at (800) 344-6000 (California). If you’re outside California, you can reach the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1‑800‑4‑A‑CHILD (1‑800‑422‑4453).